; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
