i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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