He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
