ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
