so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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