what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Never underestimate the power of titties
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
