if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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