He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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