I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
