apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
