I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
