Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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