Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
