guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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