He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
