I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
