She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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