Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
