Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
