it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
