i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her vagine was all disorganized.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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