chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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