Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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