Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
