READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
