the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
