I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
