I cockslap morals
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
