She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
