people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
