Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
