cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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