mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
