I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
