plz talk dirty to me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
