You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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