It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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