I'm jealous of your bromance
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
