I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
