I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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