After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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