Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
