they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
