Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
