whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
