why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
