I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
