if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
