At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
