It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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