pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
