Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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