margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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