My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize