I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
