There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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