Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
