can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
