addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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