I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
