Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
