Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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