so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize