Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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