don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
