dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
