Umm I'm too high to move.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
