I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
