yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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