it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
