WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
