Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
