Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
