My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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