Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
