Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize