I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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