A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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