I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
