need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
