so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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