nut hugger
how can u be prego again
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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