fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
