Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
