Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
