How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
