He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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