never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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