what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
