please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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