this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
