what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
