the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have demons in me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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