He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
