just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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