R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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